The Chronic Illness Workbook — Patricia A. Fennell

And you're sure that if I follow all the steps that I'll end up with a chronic illness? Because I don't want some fucking curable shit.

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Misguided Angel — Melissa De La Cruz

She may be misguided, but if using seagull wings as earmuffs is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

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The Rembrandt Affair — Daniel Silva

Next time use Comic Sans to lend an even weightier feel to the cover.

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The Search — Nora Roberts

The illustrator's out sick, huh? Well, just draw what you can and then fog filter the hell out of it.

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The Overton Window — Glenn Beck

Fucking Overton with his damn perfect view. Right at that luscious ass.

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The Case for Books — Robert Darnton

But surely something this size will hold at most one book.

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The Big Short — Michael Lewis

It's the girth that counts, right?

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Eat What You Love & Lose — Family Circle

This title works as both a diet book and a warning to necrophiliac cannibals.

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Sara Moulton Cooks At Home — Sara Moulton

Is this all it takes to publish a book these days? An announcement of an uninteresting fact? "Sammy Hagar takes out the garbage." "Fabio is out of toilet paper." "Paris Hilton ate a zucchini."

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Military Misdemeanors — Terry Crowdy

Cracker Jack prizes just fucking suck these days, huh?

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Understanding the Mind of Your Bipolar Child — Gregory T. Lombardo

Please read before cracking open the skull.

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Trojan Odyssey — Clive Cussler

Yes, take me on an odyssey with your Trojan, Dirk Pitt! Yes! Yes! Ram me with your long, thrusting bow! Let lightning strike twice! Let the waves of pleasure crash again and again!

(One entendre too many? Damn.)

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