Love the One You're With — Emily Giffin

Because a cock in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Sesame Street: I'm a Helper

Why the hell is Cookie Monster wearing clothes? That's just so wrong ... oh god, that makes every other picture of him look like a total pervert.

Chosen by a Horse — Susan Richards

Hey, look, Zac Efron as a horse!

Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy — Vicki Iovine

Ha ha ha! It's a giant boob!

Sea Glass — Anita Shreve

Why am I watching a woman pee on the beach?

Revenge of the Spellmans — Lisa Lutz

That's not how binoculars work. How can I trust you anymore, Lisa Lutz?

The Battle of the Labyrinth — Rick Riordan

Someone might want to tell him that his crypt is boiling over. And that it doesn't work well to stir with a sword. And not to make soup in a crypt.

That Summer — Sarah Dessen

Hey, they airbrushed out that guy who was pile-driving me on the beach and photoshopped on some fake-looking shorts. Why the fuck do you think that summer was so memorable to begin with?

Sunday at the Seashore Crosswords

"If you fill these out at a lakeshore or riverbed we will fucking cut you."

Abraham Lincoln — Thomas Keneally

"So this one time Lincoln shows up right as I'm painting my fence, and I see him through this knothole perfectly centered like he was posing for a goddamned photograph, and — shit, if that wasn't the greatest moment ever."

Facing Your Giants: The God Who Made a Miracle Out of David Stands Ready to Make One Out of You — Max Lucado

It's pretty simple really: smashing your enemy in the head with a rock and chopping off his/her head is a great way to get past your problems with your boss or your ex or your landlord. Try it sometime.

Everlasting — Kathleen E. Woodiwiss

Finally, a good novel about a gobstopper.