It's Okay to Miss the Bed on the First Jump — John O'Hurley

I'll leave you to come up with your own bestiality jokes on this one. No, wait, the chapter titles do it for you:

When One Person Stops Petting You, Move On

A Cold Can of Meat Is Still a Feast

Precious Gifts Come in Small Packages

If You're Happy and You Know it Wag Your Tail.

(Seriously, these are the real chapter titles.)